can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
no more duck duck goose at the bar
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
