Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
