Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
only if we run a train.
done.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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