Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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