then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
