Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
