The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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