Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
oh god the rape fog is back!
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
