well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
wanna go halves on a baby?
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
