Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Just pee around me
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
