I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
There's a naked man in my car right now.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
