at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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