I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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