Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
