RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
even my farts smell like vagina
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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