If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
she pinky promised me she was 18
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
