he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
