wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
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