Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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