I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
