dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
