He asked to "fluff my boner.."
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
