i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
