you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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