Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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