In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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