im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
