we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Randomize
