I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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