She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
