Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
