I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
