And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
