people are starting to question the shark bite story
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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