I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
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I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
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I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
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