I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
