So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
There r osticjed everywhere
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
