Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
