We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Randomize
