you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
