There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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