well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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