its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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