I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
