i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
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