Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
is wine microwaveable?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
