I just made out with a guy for $7.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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