Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
