Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
