As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize
