I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
