His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
