Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
how does that bad decision feel?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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