their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
