Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Randomize
