You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
