just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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