Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
