I'm an idiot
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
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told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
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We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left