At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
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he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
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New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos