In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
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Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
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it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby