Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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