He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
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When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
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Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.