Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(248): View more from Michigan

In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer

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(606): View more from Kentucky

Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..

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(303): View more from Colorado

Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?

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(423): View more from Tennessee

I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple

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23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
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(587): View more from Alberta

Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.

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(314): View more from Missouri

Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?

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(563): View more from Iowa

Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.

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(763): View more from Minnesota

Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby

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