It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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