Texts From Last Night

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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken

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  (508): you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken http://tfl.nu/rlnm
  Replies (28) Good night (914) Bad night (3028)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.

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  (203): It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton. http://tfl.nu/85qb
  Replies (30) Good night (1084) Bad night (3761)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.

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  (704): I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures. http://tfl.nu/ybaw
  Replies (13) Good night (4191) Bad night (1132)
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  (478): View more from Georgia

  I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.

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  (478): I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been. http://tfl.nu/xper
  Replies (3) Good night (991) Bad night (2839)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.

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  (410): Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE. http://tfl.nu/kxu1
  Replies (7) Good night (3577) Bad night (1899)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm

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  (678): in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm http://tfl.nu/30ts
  Replies (3) Good night (2025) Bad night (1157)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  No, I did. It's a long story.

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  (484): Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that? (732): No, I did. It's a long story. http://tfl.nu/j226
  Replies (2) Good night (1655) Bad night (692)
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  (909): View more from California

  We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.

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  (909): We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic. http://tfl.nu/24xb
  Replies (2) Good night (1164) Bad night (622)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.

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  (+44): Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is. http://tfl.nu/4j3n
  Replies (5) Good night (2341) Bad night (483)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.

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  (330): Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me. http://tfl.nu/bro7
  Replies (9) Good night (1212) Bad night (521)
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece

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  (907): That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece http://tfl.nu/9o1k
  Replies (1) Good night (545) Bad night (388)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.

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  (775): He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count. http://tfl.nu/iytw
  Replies (2) Good night (255) Bad night (609)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.

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  (904): Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment. http://tfl.nu/qht2
  Replies (0) Good night (358) Bad night (624)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.

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  (847): Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis. http://tfl.nu/hmoc
  Replies (1) Good night (199) Bad night (391)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.

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  (330): There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot. http://tfl.nu/lbi3
  Replies (2) Good night (306) Bad night (161)

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