ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial