I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!