eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
it was like eating out sand paper
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
