So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I want to fling myself into the sun
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
