No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I don't deserve a penis
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
did i just pee glitter
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
