I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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