i will never coherently bang her
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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