I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
