White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
