I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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