Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
