It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
