The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
