P.S. I can't hear my feet
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Less talking, more tequila
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
