mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
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