On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
