So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
