Sacagawea was the original milf.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
