so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
