Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Do you remember whose house we're in?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Randomize
