I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
You are a genius and a whore.
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