Texts From Last Night

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  (541): View more from Oregon

  Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.

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  (541): Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia. http://tfl.nu/enyb
  Replies (14) Good night (1159) Bad night (2168)
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  (559): View more from California

  We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.

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  (559): We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley. http://tfl.nu/4bq4
  Replies (18) Good night (3801) Bad night (1687)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  what was i wearing?

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  nothing

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  (203): you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress' (508): what was i wearing? (203): nothing http://tfl.nu/2bg6
  Replies (22) Good night (14966) Bad night (1259)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.

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  (717): I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me. http://tfl.nu/9q78
  Replies (3) Good night (947) Bad night (2506)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.

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  (970): I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it. http://tfl.nu/cqfe
  Replies (8) Good night (782) Bad night (6082)
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out

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  (256): its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out http://tfl.nu/ng5c
  Replies (11) Good night (1303) Bad night (2691)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy

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  (717): That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy http://tfl.nu/ttbi
  Replies (5) Good night (1182) Bad night (458)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.

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  (208): Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that. http://tfl.nu/xdn8
  Replies (3) Good night (1559) Bad night (720)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.

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  (720): We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins. http://tfl.nu/ctwf
  Replies (6) Good night (1660) Bad night (425)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.

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  (734): It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles. http://tfl.nu/qtkj
  Replies (2) Good night (687) Bad night (275)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat

  (818): View more from California

  You had me at first table

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  (210): First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat (818): You had me at first table http://tfl.nu/zwwm
  Replies (0) Good night (846) Bad night (270)
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  (716): View more from New York

  YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!

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  (716): YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!! http://tfl.nu/4ih5
  Replies (9) Good night (520) Bad night (1559)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.

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  (314): Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink. http://tfl.nu/x6ah
  Replies (0) Good night (196) Bad night (424)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.

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  (405): I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow. http://tfl.nu/lb44
  Replies (2) Good night (513) Bad night (377)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.

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  (304): Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid. http://tfl.nu/agyj
  Replies (2) Good night (250) Bad night (376)

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