my soul wont recognize me after tonight
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.