I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I faked an abortion last night.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Holy shit dude........stairs