Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
It's just like the Real World with babies
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Dude, where are you?
... whose car?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.