sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.