Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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