Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
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It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
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Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back