Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.