ADVERTISEMENT

• (734): View more from Michigan

  TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny

  Fav 24 1337 3660

  share tweet
  

• (208): View more from Idaho

  I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table

  Fav 15 4284 1400

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (406): View more from Montana

  Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.

  Fav 18 6734 1308

  share tweet
  

• (415): View more from California

  sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.

  Fav 24 5458 1568

  share tweet
  
• 

  These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (308): View more from Nebraska

  this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous

  Fav 16 1020 3194

  share tweet
  

• (850): View more from Florida

  We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?

  Fav 8 3651 1118

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (506): View more from New Brunswick

  i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss

  Fav 8 883 3147

  share tweet
  

• (914): View more from New York

  I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day

  Fav 7 2858 1676

  share tweet
  

• (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up

  Fav 5 972 1218

  share tweet
  
• 

  These 17 Parents Decided to Cut Contact With Their Horrible Kids

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (865): View more from Tennessee

  I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.

  Fav 5 1547 878

  share tweet
  

• (512): View more from Texas

  Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?

  Fav 7 726 572

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (585): View more from New York

  I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.

  Fav 2 555 528

  share tweet
  

• (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."

  Fav 0 997 580

  share tweet
  

• (765): View more from Indiana

  Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.

  Fav 2 384 471

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (813): View more from Florida

  Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.

  Fav 0 7 39

  share tweet
  

Randomize