the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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