she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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