if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
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