There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
