I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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