Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Your cock deserves a montage
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
