all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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