I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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