Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
