So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
