I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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