You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
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i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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