i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
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its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
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you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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