i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.