guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background