Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.