if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
