I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.